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Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009
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12:31 am - it's hard to believe I want a highway roadstop
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Ingrid de Kok - What Everyone Should Know About Grief
"What everyone should know about grief"
is why I buy the magazine.
Between aerobic virtue on one page
and the thrills of Machu Picchu on another
grief finds its marketable stage.
The living tell their chronicles
of hurt and lost and dead.
In syncopated copy they rehearse
"the cost of rage," "the comfort of belief,"
in words and captioned movements of the head.
The story proffers help:
advises talking as the healing cure,
commends long walks, and therapies,
assures the grieving that they will endure,
and then it gently cautions: let go, move on.
But everyone knows sorrow is incurable:
a bruised and jagged scar
in the rift valley of the body;
shrapnel seeded in the skin;
undoused burning pyres of war.
current mood:  uncertain
current music: Dar Williams - Travelling Again
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| Wednesday, June 10th, 2009
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6:11 pm - To pronounce revered and severed
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) watervole linked to it. I tried to read it outloud and may have sprained something in my tongue. English is a complicated little language.
Gerard Nolst Trenité - Chaos Poem
Dearest creature in creation
Studying English pronunciation,
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse.
I will keep you, Susy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy;
Tear in eye, your dress you'll tear;
Queer, fair seer, hear my prayer.
Pray, console your loving poet,
Make my coat look new, dear, sew it!
Just compare heart, hear and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word.
Sword and sward, retain and Britain
(Mind the latter how it's written).
Made has not the sound of bade,
Say - said, pay - paid, laid but plaid.
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as vague and ague,
But be careful how you speak,
Say: gush, bush, steak, streak, break, bleak,
Previous, precious, fuchsia, via
Recipe, pipe, studding-sail, choir;
Woven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, shoe, poem, toe.
( Say, expecting fraud and trickery )
current mood:  amused
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| Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009
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12:18 am - holy, holy
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Pesha Gertler - The Healing Time
Finally on my way to yes
I bump into
all the places
where I said no
to my life
all the untended wounds
the red and purple scars
those hieroglyphs of pain
carved into my skin, my bones,
those coded messages
that send me down
the wrong street
again and again
where I find them
the old wounds
the old misdirections
and I lift them
one by one
close to my heart
and I say holy
holy.
current mood:  hurting
current music: Amanda Palmer - Blake Says
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| Friday, May 22nd, 2009
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12:05 pm - Maladies, rickets and allergies
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Black pepper is officially upgraded from 'I think I may be a wee bit sensitive to this' to ' yup, that there's an allergy'. OW.
current mood:  pained
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| Sunday, May 17th, 2009
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10:56 am - Dreamwidth.
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I have two Dreamwidth invite codes.
Anyone want one?
current mood:  cheerful
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| Saturday, May 9th, 2009
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11:50 pm
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Amiable, drunken, singing French guys on the bus are a thing of joy.
Especially when one of them shimmies his hips and informs me that I "have to par-taaaay!".
current mood:  charmed
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| Tuesday, May 5th, 2009
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6:24 pm - 3 Crazy People. 30 minutes.
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My Friday evening involved every strange person at the bus stop wanting to talk to me.
First one was fairly normal; a little too intrusive but within the bounds of average irritating behaviour. Disbelieved that I could really be reading while I waited for the bus.
After retreating back under the bus shelter to escape this guy I was accosted by a distinctly tipsy woman who told me how much she admired my ability to read books, since she never got past the first few pages before getting bored. I had a brief conversation about Lovecraft with her (somewhat more sober) male companion. I wouldn't have minded chatting to these two if she hadn't been holding a lit cigarette a foot away from me.
Once they were gone I ventured back out into open air to wash the smell of smoke off. This was where I met number three.
And my oh my, number three was a gem.
I was keeping my distance from Overly Intrusive Guy when someone tapped me on the shoulder. What he wanted to know was if I'd ever considered suicide.
"Have you ever considered suicide?"
It was one of most politely asked fucking bizarre questions I have ever had from a stranger. I was also informed that "You seem very technical. You remind me a lot of me when I was your age. You're very technical. You're like me with breasts."
I jumped on the next bus that came along. They'd been steadily getting more strange and I really didn't want to give number four a chance to show up.
current mood:  bemused yet amused
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| Friday, April 24th, 2009
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2:10 pm - Happy Birthday danacea!
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May your day be glorious and filled with interesting shiny things.
current mood: cheerful
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12:57 am - absurd and beautiful and small
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Marge Piercy - The Seven Of Pentacles
Under a sky the color of pea soup
she is looking at her work growing away there
actively, thickly like grapevines or pole beans
as things grow in the real world, slowly enough.
If you tend them properly, if you mulch, if you water,
if you provide birds that eat insects a home and winter food,
if the sun shines and you pick off caterpillars,
if the praying mantis comes and the ladybugs and the bees,
then the plants flourish, but at their own internal clock.
( Connections are made slowly, sometimes they grow underground. )
current mood:  joyful; to be filled with joy
current music: The Flowers Of Edinburgh
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12:12 am - My sin, my soul.
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Among the handful of things I recieved for my birthday was a copy of Lolita, something I have been coveting for a long time.
It's been several years since I read it and I finished the reunion at 2 AM Wednesday morning. Now all I want to do is talk about it with people but most of the folks immediately to hand haven't read it! So very frustrating.
current mood:  joyful
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| Tuesday, April 14th, 2009
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3:01 pm - Pick an icon, any icon.
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1. Reply to this post, and I will pick five of your icons.
2. Make a post (including the meme info) and talk about the icons I chose.
3. Other people can then comment to you and make their own posts.
4. This will create a never-ending cycle of icon glee...
Tagged by multiclassgeek
All of my icons are made by me. I am entirely to blame. RayV looking dreamily happy.
Adapted badge design. For those special times when you want to reach through the internet and strangle someone.
Another badge design. Why I put that amount of pink on anything is unknown. Yay, twirly-girly death threats.
Spider In The Bath! I loved this cartoon when I was a kid. This icon makes me feel all fuzzy everytime I look at it.
Hothead Paisan: Homicidal Lesbian Terrorist on a rampage. From a somewhat strange underground comic. I added the red and the text, although the line is from the book (and the scene). Rage!Icon.
current mood: amused
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| Monday, April 13th, 2009
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9:27 pm - Ridiculous photographs.
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| Thursday, April 9th, 2009
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12:13 am - HELP!
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If anyone has the font Meta Headline and would share it with me I would be eternally grateful.
current mood:  desperate
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| Wednesday, April 8th, 2009
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7:40 pm - I want to change my seat just so I can step on everybody's feet
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Matthew Dickman - Benevolence
After my older brother died and I had punished
the migraines with enough codeine
to sleep through the night I walked out
into the backyard with the moon illuminating everything
like an antidepressant and threw a rock
at two feral cats who seemed bent on fucking or killing
each other. It was not a mystical moment,
or a therapeutic one,
I did not link the feline fight of wills with my own, it just
felt good to throw something.
The fact that I missed
is not a telling sign of my own benevolence or a metaphor
for the inaction of violence,
it only means that I have always sucked at baseball. That I
couldn’t throw a ball into a glove
if the ball was in my right hand
and the glove in my left. That I preferred to be
standing in the outfield where the grass had grown tall
and the clouds formed a menagerie
of animals above my head. Standing there
with only one wish:
that no one would hit the ball hard enough to reach me.
But the weight of the rock
and the sound of it ripping through the trees,
crashing against the fence,
was enough to make up for all the Little League humiliations
I had garnered through my intense fear
of physical injury. The time I actually dove
out of the way, the ball sailing beyond the dugout. The time
I could have scored if I had slid into the dirt
but instead, walked as if I had nowhere important
to be. Even as I watched my older brother
skin knee after knee, break bone after bone—
always surviving, always
being able to bite down on what
the world had given him, what he had made
of it, and still walk along the bases, the streets, the rugs
of countless therapists, still swallow
the glowing pills humming in the bottom of countless paper cups,
his arms bound to the bed by cotton straps,
the razor he once slid along his arm like a beam of light—
I couldn’t manage the smallest cut,
the most laughable bruise. When I walked out
into the backyard and held the rock in my hand
I wanted so badly not just to throw it, but to hit something and make it hurt.
current mood:  distressed
current music: Eartha Kitt - I Want To Be Evil
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| Saturday, April 4th, 2009
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5:21 am - Clearly I am in the mirror universe. I will check to see if Henry is clean-shaven.
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My god. Someone is trusting me to play diplomat. What is the world coming to?
current mood:  tired
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| Saturday, March 28th, 2009
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11:59 pm - Six. Hours.
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I spent six hours on a bus and got back home at 6 AM on Saturday morning. I did not, infact, go anywhere that required that kind of travel time.
At 9:36 PM on Friday night I was at Poole Bus Station, loitering forlornly with half an hour to go until my bus when I met up with a mate of mine. Turns out he finds driving the night buses incredibly lonely and offered me a lift home at 6 if I kept him company. I said no to 6 AM but yes to 1, which at around 12:30 turned into 'feed me and I'll stick around'.
I traded a free ticket and a meal for just over SIX HOURS on a sodding bus, occasionally surrounded by hooting drunken dickholes. Why am I considering doing this again next week?
current mood: amused
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| Thursday, March 26th, 2009
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7:29 pm - Sister.
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Looks like she didn't hit the kid and there seem to be no repercussions from the accusation. Kind of a relief.
current mood:  relieved
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| Tuesday, March 24th, 2009
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3:08 pm - I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
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My mother just told me that my father is planning to move to Australia next year. I never fully understood what was meant by tears of joy before; I'm just crying and giggling and grinning ear to ear. I'm free. I didn't realise it felt like this. Freeeeeeeeeeeeee. Free, free, free!
what a fucking lovely day
everything has gone my way
all my flags are unfurled
I'm the king of the world
and to think it's only March Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy!
The Ophan Of Zhao - What A Fucking Lovely Day!
current mood:  ecstatic happydance!
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| Monday, March 23rd, 2009
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1:55 pm
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My sister has been accused of child abuse at her job.
current mood:  exhausted
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| Friday, March 20th, 2009
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11:33 pm - Star Trek Meets Monty Python
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While everyone and their dog has probably seen this, I can't quite resist linking.
Star Trek Meets Monty Python
current mood: amused
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silly